subject: more decisions..
mood:  contemplative
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Ellie sat there beside the bed for sometime just thinking and rethinking about everything that had happened with Jack. She couldn’t help but feel guilty about what happened. It was like it was the final act to their relationship and they went out without a fight. Something was missing from her… she felt guilty but yet not guilty. She didn’t feel the same about him anymore. The kiss only proved that even more. It felt… awkward even though she tried to find that spark she used to feel. She wondered how Jack was taking it. Was he okay? She felt the need to check on him, but she dismissed it. If he was fine, he would be upset because she thought he was a “baby” or if he was hurting, he would be embarrassed that she saw it. Later, she would go and find him.. talk to him.. after she talked to Luke.
“Luke… Oh.. how am I going to tell you…” Shaking her head, she realized that she hadn’t done anything wrong kissing Jack back. She wasn’t with either of them technically, but she still felt like she betrayed Luke by kissing back. The kiss itself basically confirmed that she didn’t feel the same way about Jack as she used to. It was like their love had stayed the same, but they had grown up.. it was that perennial flower that was always the same every year.. it never grew any bigger, any greener. That was sad to think about. It was different with Luke. Every time they were apart the love they had for each other grew and transformed like they did. Or at least, she thought it did. Did Luke feel the same? Or would he be like Jack and try to convince her that she loved Jack. What if she ended up alone?
She shook these thoughts from her mind. Trust, she had to trust that Luke loved her as much as she loved him. She had to trust that what happened with Jack could never happen with Luke. They were different than her and Jack. Sighing, she pulled herself off the floor. She couldn’t just sit here all day and wait for Luke to show up. Instead, she left her room at made her way back to the main café, and to the kitchen where Alice was. |
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subject: like.. decisions are hard
mood:  melancholy
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For what seemed like an eternity, Ellie just sat there staring at the blank page in her journal. She wasn’t really sure what she wanted to write or really what she needed to write. The decision that had been laid before her was uncomfortably difficult. It was then an idea hit her. She would write them each letters.. one saying that she chose them, and one that she didn’t. Maybe it would help her to figure it out if she really imagined herself with each of them. It sounded childish, but she couldn’t think of anything else. She started with Luke.
Dear Luke,
This process has been hard on us all and worst of all it ruined a potentially great friendship between you and Jack. I truly believe that if not for me, you two would have gotten along great. But that isn’t the case, so I will not talk about it anymore. You were here for me when I was convinced that no one cared about me. You were always willing to put me before yourself, even when it could have meant your life. We walked through fire together and came out only slightly charred. After Jack was taken, I thought I would never go on, but you pulled me out of that dark hole I was living in. You made me love again. For those things I will always owe you more than I can pay.
She stopped there and just stared at the page. Which letter was this? She felt like she owed him so much for all that he did for her. But she felt the same about Jack. These letters were not going to help her at all. It only confused her more. With that she crumpled up that sheet too and threw it against the wall near her dresser. How was she going to do this?
Picking up one of her pillows, she held it against her chest while she frowned. I love them both.. why? Why couldn’t it have been different? Why did Jack have to go away.. or why did he have to come back. Why did Luke have to be so nice to me? Why did he have to fall for me too? Why, why, WHY? It was then that she threw the pillow against the bed, and repeated to do so numerous times. She kept it up for about 5 mins, then released one frustrated, distressing cry before she chucked the pillow against the wall. As quickly as she threw it, she buried her head into the blankets on her bed. This was just too hard and no matter what two of them were going to get hurt. |
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subject: Ellie: in Ellie & Alice's Room.
mood:  confused
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Ellie left the cafe, and walked down the stairs running her hand along the banister as she walked. She walked along and into her and Alice's room, sat down on her bed and sighed. How could they? that was all she could think about, how could they do that to her?
Ellie walked over to her desk and sat down picking up the crumpled piece of paper she'd thrown at her desk earlier that morning. She carefully flattened out the piece of paper on the desk running her hand across it to try to iron out all the crinkles. "I didn't even need to bother with pros and cons" she whispered. She stood up and walked over to her bed, pulling her diary out from under the mattress, walked back over to her desk, and sat down again. Ellie opened up her diary and ripped a page from the back of it, placing the piece of paper down on the desk.
Ellie picked up a pencil and settled down to write, "Dear Luke..." she began, but then stopped, why am I even bothering to write to Luke? she wondered. She sighed, still unsure; she leaned over the piece of paper and continued writing. |
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[OOC:Continued From Here.]
Ellie watched as Jack waved and walked towards the stairs, breathing a sigh of relief. He had bought her excuse, and given her some time alone. She stood there for a moment before she too headed passed the commotion in the Cafe and down the stairs. At the foot of the stairs, a yawn escaped Ellie's mouth proving to her how tired she really was. She walked into her room and immediately changed into her pajamas. Finally, she slumped into bed and fell asleep.
Ellie awoke from a dreamless sleep the next morning. Still tired, she lingered in bed for awhile before rolling out and getting ready for the day ahead. As she was putting on her tank top, tube top, skirt, and boots an idea hit her. She searched for a piece of paper and pencil, and flopped down on her bed when she had found them. Making four columns on the paper, she named two of them "pros" and two of them "cons", then labeled them either "Jack" or "Luke". She sat on the bed for a moment, staring at the paper and slightly chewing on the pencil. But for some reason, she couldn't think of anything to write.
"I can't believe I even had such a stupid idea. I really must be losing it." Ellie crumpled the paper and tossed it onto her desk. Flopping backwards onto the bed, Ellie tried to relax, not really hungry enough to go check on breakfast. |
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[OOC:Continued from Here]
As Ellie walked away from Jack's room, the tears just kept coming. She wanted to find Alice, to confide in her sister all the pain that was in her right now. But Ellie hadn't seen her sister all day, and in her present state, she wasn't about to go looking for her either. All she could hope for is that her sister turned up soon.
Ellie was halfway back to her bedroom before she turned back and glanced at Jack's room. All the hurt that Jack's words had caused intensified, and Ellie lost control. She slumped down on the bench, put her head in her hands, and started to sob. In between sobs, she kept repeating to herself: "How could they do this to me" |
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Ellie trudged into her room, and flopped down on her bed. She tried to calm herself but thoughts were buzzing in her head. Sighing, she reached under her pillow and grabbed her journal. Rummaging through a bedside table, she found a pencil and made herself comfortable on her bed again. Hopefully writing all of her thoughts down would help her straighten things out.
* I don't know what to do, journal. My life is soo complicated. I woke up this morning, all excited about the makeover idea, and now my life is miserable! I guess I better start from the beginning:
I found out that Jack came back. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy to see that he's all right, and I was overjoyed when he swept me up in that hug earlier. Plus I think he has his memory back (I didn't get a chance to talk to his though so I'm not so sure). I mean, that day when I lost him during the fight was horrible, and I've been so worried about him ever since, but...but I don't know journal. On top of it all Luke's back too.
Yep journal, that's right. LUKE! I was standing there with Jack and he just walks up to me. It was like everyone else in the room just faded away. I just left Jack standing there and walked off with him. He still has that affect on me! Jack was mad that I just left him, so he started this food fight with Luke, wasting all of the lunch. I was so shocked that I just stood there. I couldn't believe how stupid I was.
So now I'm down here, trying to sort everything out. Journal, I know I have to choose, its just gotta be done. I just don't know how I'm gonna do it. First there's Jack. He's been my best friend since I got here. He was my first love, and he's always been there for me. But then there's Luke. When I'm around him, everything's different. I just can't explain it. The thing is, I fell for Luke when Jack was gone. If he had been there, would things have been different? Or would I still have fallen for Luke? Its things like this that make it so hard journal. I love the both of them journal, and I just don't know what to do! *
With that, Ellie shut her journal and stuck it under her pillow. Flipping around so that she was on her stomach she started talking to herself: "I need to go and find Patsy or Cloe or Gel. I need to get someone's opinion. I can't do this on my own." Then something clicked in Ellie's head. She hadn't seen her sister at all today. "Alice would know what to do. I wonder where she is..." Quickly dismissing her sister's absence, Ellie tried to work up the courage to find someone to talk to, but decided to wait until things calmed before leaving the sanctuary of her room. |
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Ellie slowly opened her eyes and groaned. She stretched her arms in front of her as she sat up. Looking around, she realized it must be late morning. Considering the long talk she had with Alice the night before, she would be surprised if it was earlier. Getting up slowly, she walked over to her mirror and stared at her reflection with slight disgust. Lightly touching her hair, she decided it was time for a change. She tried to rack her brain for ideas on how to style her hair when it hit her. She seemed to remember Gel toying with hair things and make-up on the stairs the night of the ceremony. Gel would be perfect in helping Ellie get a new look.
With a burst of excited energy, Ellie ran a comb through her hair and fixed her make-up. She took one last decided look in the mirror: This was the last time she would ever look like this. Turning on her heels, she left her room and made her way up to the cafe, hoping there was still some breakfast food left. |
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mood:  accomplished
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Ellie had ben keeping quiet in the hospital for a long time. She had kept quiet, not wanting to bother anyone, or get in the way. Or at least, that had been part of it. Even with all the action going on in the hosptial, the only thing Ellie could think about was Jack. She wanted to know more details about the fight with Cloe and Ved. Even moreso, she wanted to know how the rest of the Mall Rats would react. Thinking of all their responses, Ellie began to feel panicked and ran out of the Hospital, and into her room. She crashed on her bed, burying her head into her pillow, but she stopped herself before she started to cry. "You can't do this now," Ellie scolded herself. "I have to help Jack. I have to think of a way to get him out of this." Then Ellie remember what she had told Cloe in the hospital. "That's it! If I say its my fault, they can't hurt Jack. Maybe Salene and everyone else will try to help him get his memory back!" Satisfied with her solution, Ellie laid back, put her hands behind her head, and just relaxed. |
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Ellie struggled to take off the covers. She was in her own bed, and she guessed that she had been sleeping for awhile. She had wanted to head up to the Cafe after leaving Jacks room, but she was so tired, she had just wanted to take a nap. But a nap wasn't the word for it. She got up, leaning against the wall for balance. She hadn't eaten in a few days. She had made the stew, but she didn't recall actually enjoying a bowl herself. She walked slowly, stopping at the bottom of the stairs. She heard voices coming from the Cafe. Thinking of the food that must have been there, she hurried up a little, finally entering the cafe. |
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